so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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