Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
