Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Life is so much better after having sex.
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I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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