i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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