Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Its about making memories worth repressing
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
