i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
