"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
