She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
