Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
