You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
