I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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