the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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