They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
