Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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