you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
