i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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