I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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