I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
