i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
