Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
third nipple confirmed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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