I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
