That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We need a shit load of segways right now
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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