look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
