Pregnant stripper...not hot.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
