My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
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I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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