3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
