You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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