I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
