i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
