Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
