ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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