im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
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it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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