Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
