She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
