It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
