thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
