So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize