When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
