I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
