I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
