i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
