I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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