You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
