I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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