forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
