You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
