I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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