Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
