u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
