Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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