We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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