i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize