i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
