Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
