The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
