I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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