I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
